Deadpool beats up Quagmire
by Smoking Wrecker
Summary: Deadpool hates the new Quagmire. So he goes over to his house and do what Deadpool does what he do best. Beat the crap out of him.


**Hey Smoke here with another Deadpool crossover. I don't own Deadpool or family guy. Enjoy!**

Deadpool was watching family guy in his apartment and so far he was not happy. "I remember when family guy used to be great until they turned Quagmire into a asshole." said Deadpool.

 _"True that! He's like Benson from Regular show and J Jonah Jamerson." said Kid Deadpool._

 _"_ Not to mention I wanted to hear Brian's joke and Quagmire jeered him!" said Deadpool. Then his phone rings and Deadpool answers the phone. "Hello. Deadpool's services!"

"Hey Deadpool it's me Brian Griffin." said Brian.

"Brian! I haven't seen you since Spring break how are things?" Deadpool asked.

"Well let's see Quagmire basically had a sex party in my car." said Brian on the phone.

"In a Prius?! That's not a make out and whoo car! Only Cameros, and those fast and furious cars are for banging chicks!" said Deadpool. "Tell you what I'll kick his ass for free!"

"You don't have to do that Deadpool." said Brian over the phone.

"Actually I remember us making a deal saying that if Quagmire banged a chick in your car I would take him down for free. We made a blood pat and a pinkie swear and don't worry my healing factor got rid of my herpies." said Deadpool.

"Ok you do that, oh and he has a cat." said Brian.

"I'll kill it and beat the crap out of Quagmire." said Deadpool and hanged up.

Meanwhile at Quagmire's house Quagmire walked outside to get the mail and sees Brian exiting the house. "Where's your car Brian?" Quagmire smirked.

"I have to get it cleaned after the party you had!" said Brian.

"Well if it makes you feel any better some of it landed in your travel mug." said Quagmire.

"I hope you die of AIDS!" said Brian and walked back in his house.

Quagmire opens mailbox and he gets punched in the face. "What the hell!?" Quagmire asked.

Deadpool comes out of the mailbox and starts beating up Quagmire. "Ok first off, beating up a dog not cool! You think Brian's a bad father, you're even worst!" Deadpool shouted and hit Quagmire in the chest with a iron fist.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Quagmire asked. "He never sees him."

"You never see the millions kids you have! Before I came her I had to leave a strip club because of two things. One they ran out of chimichangas and two I saw a stripper with your fucking face!" said Deadpool and picked up Quagmire and threw him into the window on his house.

"This better be a dream." said Quagmire in pain from the beatdown.

Then Deadpool walks in the house takes out a gun and shoots the cat. "Cats suck!" Deadpool shouted and took a crowbar. "Eat your heart out Joker!" Deadpool started beating the crap out of Quagmire and after th14th hit he stopped.

"Why are you doing this!?" Quagmire asked.

"Two reasons why! One you hate Brain and two you used to be cool!" said Deadpool.

"I am cool!" Quagmire exclaimed.

"No you changed, what happened to the Quagmire who used to brag about the chick he nails, now you're a bigger douchebag then J Jonah Jamerson, Roger the alien, Benson from Regular show, Squidward, and the manager for getting rid of topless Tuesday at the strip club!" said Deadpool.

"That bastard!" Quagmire shouted.

"I know!" said Deadpool and shot Quagmire in the leg.

"Damn it!" Quagmire exclaimed.

"Here's what's gonna happen! If you beat up Brian again and be a dick again I will return cut your banana and feed it to Mr. Shuggums!" Deadpool shouted and pointed a gun to Quagmire's face.

"Ok I'll try!" said Quagmire with fear.

"Good!" Quagmire replied and curb stomp Quagmire's nuts and took some money out of Quagmire's wallet and a safe.

"That's my strip club money!" Quagmire shouted.

"My money now!" said Deadpool. Deadpool walks towards a motorcycle and gives Quagmire the finger and drive off.

Stewie and Brian have just witness the beatdown. "You and Deadpool went to Spring break?" Stewie asked.

"Yeah I broke up with this one girl and we went to Spring Break. It was wild and crazy." said Brian.

"I'm guessing you two were drunk and made a deal?" Stewie asked.

"Actually I can't get drunk?!" said Deadpool and drove off.

"Let's just hope his movie doesn't suck." said Stewie.

"He would go on a shooting spree." said Brian.

 **Ok family guy fans, I like the old Quagmire better, the new Quagmire sucks! He's like J Jonah Jamerson and Benson from regular show. When someone doesn't know anything about his personal life he takes it as a insult. If I owned family guy I would keep Quagmire the same and have Brian stand up for himself! Please review and stay frosty!**

 **Deadpool: Plus my movie is never gonna suck!**


End file.
